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random customer: are you going to steal my cellphone?
me: yes, as soon as you turn around, i'm going to sell it on ebay.
even if i were the thieving type, which i'm not, did they really think i'd tell them?
honestly, people these days.
Just put a little aloe gel on her; she'll be fine!
"Nah, she'll be up on her feet and fighting in no time... OF COURSE SHE'S F*CKING DEAD! A SWORD F*CKING EXPLODED IN HER FACE AND MADE IN HER INTO A F*CKING STATUE!!!"
"Alright, geez, take it easy... Just making sure."
"... I'm sorry, it's just that I transferred here 3 weeks ago and my life has just been batshit crazy since I got here."
"That's ok, I understand. Now clean it up."